I never told him, but when Paco was alive I'd occasionally cruise Petfinder. It was harmless, of course, but sometimes I'd find a cool dog and I'd start cursing Paco's existence. "If I only didn't have Paco, then I would totally own that dog," I'd say.
It was the strongest when I met Hector, which coincided with Paco's knee surgery. Like a bad affair, every day I'd leave Paco crated at home, say my goodbyes, then go pick up Hector and take him to work or for a walk around the lake. I'd drop him off before I got home, but Paco always knew. Jealously he'd sniff me up and down, his pupils getting large and the whites of his eyes showing. I would try and explain myself, "but he's giving me something you can't. If you could walk then it would be different and I wouldn't have to see other dogs."
But now that Paco's gone and I have the opportunity to choose any dog in the world, not a single one appeals to me, not even Hector. I'll try and visualize myself with each dog I see, and I don't like the result. It just doesn't seem right. And then I start to miss Paco even more.
4 comments:
Hey Ana, I had a pup, a white boxer named Shea who only lived to 4.5 b/c of a heart condition. He was my little Comrade Underbite and I will never meet another dog like him.
But if my Stella's any indication, when the dog finds you (as against you finding the dog), well it's is a miraculous feeling. You know the dog will never be Paco. I knew the dog would never be Shea. But your pup is out there somewhere in the future. Who knows where/when.
Perhaps it's not time yet, sweetie. A dog will present itself to you in some manner and you'll know that this is the next one to insert themselves into your life.
I do hear you. It took having two of the wrong dogs in my life, one of which broke my heart, for me to finally 100% appreciate the two I already have. Your analogy is perfect; we humans are such fickle creatures.
Take your time. ::big warm hug::
You never get the dog you want, but the dog you need. The next one will teach you things about yourself you never knew.
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