Wingman

So last night the plan was to drop off Aaron at the airport then hit the town with D, who needed a wingman. I was pretty excited about the role, and Aaron and I brainstormed about it over dinner.

But then later, as D and I walked the dogs down Mission street, she burst my wingman bubble. Since D is pretty much a dude, and I'm definitely a girl, people were going to assume we were a couple, she warned. I understood what she was saying, and when a stranger at the bar told the dogs that they had "great mommies," I knew we had to devise a plan.

"Listen," I said, "when there's a cute girl you want to talk to, just introduce me as 'your friend, Ana' and then add something like, 'she and her boyfriend live just around the corner so that's why I'm in the neighborhood.' You've got to find a subtle way to mention the boyfriend thing so girls know I'm not a threat" We practiced it a few times.

Eventually there was someone who caught D's eye, but I could tell she was unsure about who the heck I was and what I meant to D. She left for a minute so I leaned over.

"Okay, when she comes back, you need to introduce me and use that boyfriend line."

"Yeah, good idea," D agreed.

The hot girl came back and D started talking.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to introduce you to my friend, Ana. Yeah, her boyfriend had to go out of town tonight and she gets sort of lonely so, you know, I'm showing her a good time."

I later explained just how bad that actually sounded.