Grosser than gross

It takes a lot to gross me out. Explosive black-green diarrhea, a plastic bag of raw chicken vomit, and puss-filled cysts are all things that I can deal with. I cannot, however, deal with people talking with their mouths full of food.

Okay, I realize it's occasionally a necessary evil. You take a bite of food and get caught off guard, someone asks you a question that demands an immediate answer, or you need to interject before serious injury occurs. That's fine. A normal person generally tries to minimize the grossness. You cover your mouth, turn your head, talk out of the side of your mouth, etc.

But not this one guy I know. He makes a sport out of talking with his mouth full of food.

He seems to think that eating is the ideal time to carry on a conversation. In the middle of a sentence he'll wrap his mouth around whatever he's eating and take a huge bite, a bite so big it's apparently impossible to close his mouth all the way in order to chew it. Sure, he'll make a show of covering his mouth with his hand when he speaks with his mouth full, but it's accompanied with a gargling sound that gives the impression he's drowning in the food that's trickling down his throat. And the worst is when he exclaims, which is often, and gives you a full look-see at all the contents of his mouth. It's so gross that I've gotten to the point of feigning an alternate activity just to give myself an excuse to look the other way while he's eating.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm being unfair, but you have to understand that this has been a pet peeve of mine since birth, practically. I remember when I was about 2 or 3 years old and sitting across from my best friend in her kitchen. She was chewing with her mouth open, slapping her lips together, so I leaned across the table and physically closed her mouth with my hand. I don't even know if we could make full sentences back then, but somehow I knew it was just wrong to flash other folks a mouthful of food.

Tonight I met up with someone who spends a lot of time with my gross-eating friend. The plan was to hang out for a bit but then we started eating and I was horrified to see she'd picked up his eating mannerisms exactly. It grossed me out so much I had to cut the visit short.

As I made my quick getaway I wondered if I was being too judgmental, but then I realized we're all allowed one weird phobia-esque thing... and this is mine.